Being vulnerable with you

2 Timothy 2:4 No soldier when in service gets entangled in the enterprises of [civilian] life; his aim is to satisfy and please the one who enlisted him.

“It’s not about being popular. It’s about being faithful” (Journey, 2022)

Spoiler alert: today’s post is me being vulnerable with you. Please feel free to skip or move along if this isn’t something you’re interested in reading. But if it is, thank you for listening and I hope that it might be encouraging to you….

When I write, I leave part of my heart on the page with every word. Caretaking these ideas that our Good God entrusts me with is exhilarating, exhausting, and terrifying. Exhilarating in knowing that He is speaking. Exhausting in knowing that I must be ever careful in listening. Terrifying in that many times what I want to say isn’t what I’m supposed to say.

Writing can be war for me. Because my arrogance wants all the attention all the time. And she doesn’t want to share any of it with anyone else, especially the One Who enlisted me to write. This soldier wants those medals of affirmation and much acclaim in book sales and signings, speaking appointments and applause, blog followers and social media posts, and the like. Thus, my mind and heart are a war zone between self and Savior.

I keep praying “Your Name be exalted and my name forgotten” while not really meaning it down in the soil of my soul. I keep saying “all that’s important is for His Message to be made known” while longing for my face to be seen everywhere. And thus, the battle rages on…

The only salvo that has brought some salvation to this war for me is having 2 Timothy 2:4 written out and posted on my wall immediately above my computer. A tangible reminder of the vision of the message and the lack of value in marketing. Re-alignment isn’t just needed for tires on my car; it’s necessary for this tired soldier trying to keep from getting further and further entangled in the enterprises of civilian life. Those enterprises only resupply arrogance in her trenches and build higher and higher ramparts of greed, selfishness, and apathy. And all of that makes this soldier even more weary in this war…

Yet when I finally wave that white flag of surrender against arrogance’s advice, writing becomes worship. Writing as worship is the sweetest sitting there at my Savior’s feet that I’ve ever known. Pouring out my alabaster jar while washing His feet with my tears and hair far exceeds any adrenaline of acknowledgement arising from anyone wanting a book or signature. And hopefully, that fragrance of worship fills the entire house in an unmistakable love and grace found there at His feet in vulnerability, wars, warts, and all.

Thank you, dear Jesus, for always welcoming the vulnerable just like me. Thank You that You know all of me, including the arrogance, and love me still. Thank You that You alone can quiet the war and speak peace to my heart and mind. Thank You for grace to be here and to stay here with You. Please help me to want nothing more (or less) than this moment with You. Please let this moment be worship of You as You alone are worthy of all honor, praise, and glory in all ways at all times.

Written by and copyrighted to Beth Madison, Ph.D., 2022.